I think I blog when I'm nervous

I think I blog when i'm realy nervous or entering a new stage of life. Heh. So BMT was a breeze (looking back that is...). There were tough times, but i realised it's always in your mind. Sure it's tough but the physical can be overcome as long as your mind really pushes you. 24km route march was a killer, not physically as you would think but it was a mentally tormenting thing. It fucks with your mind haha.

So I got into OCS which was what i was aiming for when i was in BMT. But now that the day has come to join as an officer cadet, i'm getting nervous and a little afraid. I always told myself that this would be really good training, and i'm sure it would be haha but its 38 weeks of hell fun. that's the spirit.

I'm sure looking back i would say OCS was fun  haha but let's not get ahead of myself. So before i leave again, i must tell myself that i should take everything in a positive stride. Get fuck get fuck lo! Just suck thumb and carry on.

Gonna Kick Them Till I Need New Shoes

So the plan in my head was to record how each A lvl paper went, obviously it failed hahaha. It's been 2 months already. Can't say i'm didnt enjoy how i spent it, i feel like i did give each group of people in my life fair share of my time. (: Enjoyed hanging out with my JC class and i hope we can have more of such gatherings. As for my sec 4 class, i think its safe to say that a sorta like a clique has formed whereby, i dont actually bother about the rest of the class, but these select few(okay not that few) of friends.

A new chapter of my life begins in 2 days, intrigued and nervous at the same time. I have no idea how friendships will progress from then on and life is gonna be really different! i mean, think about having only weekends off!
got so much to do too:
1) Learn my Driving
2) SAT1!
3) Apply UNI

and just catching up with friends if time allows (it better!)

SO NS, you have finally caught up with me, or more like i've failed to run from you, gonna be positive about it and not depressed or sulkish. gonna take it in my stride. After all, when everyone goes through the same shit, it really ain't shit anymore haha.

Day 1

Chem P3 is over. To be honest it wasn't easy. But it wasn't that difficult. Challenging is a more apt description. I don't know how well I'll do, but it isn't over yet, here's still the 2nd and mcq paper. It's better to just leave it and focus on what's ahead. It isn't over yet!

100

time to get your act together. time to suck it up.

or regret it.

Hello there, It's been a while.

Time is racing toward us.

A's are approaching almost 4 months left.

This is all or nothing now. I have to stop wasting precious time. I need to organise my time. To start paying attention in lessons. Gotta be disciplined, got to start my revision early. Plan. Plan. Plan.

Picture myself where i want to be on that fateful day of results. Do i want to disappoint myself and wonder what could have been?

The time is now. It's not too late to start. I have drifted off course for quite some time. The time is now to find my center. I am sure to win.

We must be as swift as the coursing river. With all the force of great typhoon. With all the rage of a raging fire. 

Lights Will Guide You Home

I believe in 90 rankpoints. it's that simple. 

They Can't Take What's Ours

The stakes are high and the water's rough.

We gotta drop the excess baggage, leave everything that's gonna weigh us down.

Conflicts, relationships, hates etc. We can't afford to have them if we're gonna pull through this year.

The journey's gonna be rough and if we can drop these weights of our shoulders, we should and we must.

They can't take take what is ours.

P.S Think we can all stand to benefit from this. That includes you Arvind.

I Said Remember This Moment

It's funny how people look forward to the end of A Levels.  Wait, there's nothing funny about that...except that part that comes with it. It's the culmination of our entire formal education in the Singapore education system. It's the last time we're ever gonna wear a school uniform, the last time we're gonna have a class or civics the group, the last time we're gonna have a form teacher, scheduled breaks, morning assembly, and people that give a damn  if you skip lectures or tutorials. That's a lot of lasts for a person who has spend (if you count the end of this year) 12 years in the Singapore education system. Think of it this way and i don't think we would ever wanna leave this place.

Well, it's gonna happen in the end. All great things come to an end don't they. I think it's time we treasured our last year we're gonna have in formal education. Let's not waste a second of it. Enjoy it and remember the moments. 

Take The Express Lane.

I find it really funny how people always wish each other "a safe trip" whenever they go on a long journey. I just find the idea of "hoping" or "wishing" someone to have a safe trip kind of, well it' doesn't really make sense. Unless of course you wish him a safe trip in your head. That would make it more like wishing. Saying it is kinda weird if you think about it. But then again, it's customary, it's pleasant to hear, and it does make you feel more secure so heck it. Have a safe trip.

Anyways, I will be out of town from 19th to 3rd January. Out of sync with the world for 2 weeks. Then back to reality and it's life back on the express lane.

What's My World Coming To?

So I've had another dream about you. What's my world coming to???

When It's Really Time

It be nice if I could hold your hand as we shifted through the twisted journey to our A's.
With all the committments that i have to undertake next year, i'm not sure if i can give you what you truly deserve. I don't think I will be able to keep it going all the way. But is it too early to bury the worries? This wish i still my command.

And i wonder which one of us, is gonna state the obvious. And i wonder if you already know, but i gotta let you go. This ain't the way i planned and i think we all know i aint the great romantic but i know i'll regret this decision next year whenever i look into your eyes, but it's for my own good.

Life sucks.

I've Got Bills To Pay

As we enter into the final month of a rather eventful year filled with bad choices and right decisions, I think it's been a pretty bad one on the whole...so far. There's still 31 days to make it right.

So my results have been prettty good, i exceeded my own expectations. 3As 1B and a D for GP. Gotta work a little harder on that.

So hockey's been rather fun. Although i have to say that certain people inside have effectively made it a little far off from perfect. I don't have to mention any names for people to know who it is.

While i don't think i have made any new friends whom i can really trust and rely on, i think i still got 31 days to do that. I feel that i've neglected true friendships for more acquaintances. I realised, it's so much better to have a smaller group of close friends than a larger group of "just friends". But this year, i dont think i've made new friendships that i can truly treasure. I'm definitely trying to build upon some of them now, strengthen them and keep them (:

I shall take my leave for tonight.  

End of an Era? Maybe...(Part 2)

to begin where i left off in the previous previous post:

PW was a real roller coaster ride. It began with the PI, where i started of with something a little out of the scope of the subject, blame me for trying to hard ehh (it was something to do with legalization of cannabis in Netherlands applied to alcoholism in youths in Singapore). So i switched to the environment, a project called RecycleKids, getting kids to recycle and rewarding them for it, nothing novel here anyway, but did it anyways. Although at the time, i thought it was the best idea ever (I really don't know how i came to that conclusion).

Then came the choosing of our groups. Although I have to say that I did enjoy working with MOST of you, I would be lying if i said that I liked all my members. Given a chance to choose again, the choices would definitely be different. We set off on a rather unsteady platform, with the idea of RecycleKids becoming less novel in each subsequent meeting until at one point I realised that it just had to go. So let's fastforward past the EoM parts (which to me, was rather easy).

We had to switch the idea from Kids to Housewives as suggested by Gerrard Yee the HoD of PW. He said every group was doing something for kids, and said housewives was a novel and effective target for environmentalism. We all agreed. So, with this new found inspiration and the motivation that came along with a new idea and full of promises, i got the group to come to my house for a meeting to develop this idea further and put it out on paper. Well of course Brandon didn't come. It was expected as usual. He never really cared about PW, his inputs were childlike and near-sighted. He was late for all the meetings and was also half-hearted in them. He was always texting during meetings, yet he never answered any of my calls nor replied my texts. PW made me hate him for who he was. Even though i tried to bury the hatched with him on countless occastions, he never failed to make that hate resurface. So much so that right now, when i think of him or see him, i feel a hatred so great i think of really draconian measures that i would like to impose against him.

Back to my point, that meeting at my house failed and i got more pissed off because of the lack of input from my group members. Desperate for help, i sought help from my dad, and he gave me a rather effective idea that would help the problem of the environment. I took it, developed it into what i like to call, TheGreenHood Project.

I made it a point from then to involve my members as much as possible and using them for their strengths and not their weaknesses. Of course this didn't work for Brandon. So Yong Khuang was my right-hand man, always there, reliable and responsible and helping me with everything I did, stayed up till late with me to complete the things i needed help in. Then there was Charissa, always making the meetings really fun and enjoyable with her rather innocent and sometimes crude remarks about Brandon and things in general. I found out at some point while working on the new idea that she was actually quite good with ideas. Then finally, Kelyn, i don't know what my group would do without her. Her illustrations and apt for design gave my group the edge over the rest.

The PW week gave me a very good insight into each of my group members character and strengths. I really enjoyed the time working with them on the final stages of the project during the PW Week and dates running up to it. The video was real fun to produce with you all (except Brandon, who wasn't there at all).

While the idea was mostly mine and most of the report was mostly my work, i'd have to say that i would not have been able to do it without your help and inputs. Kelyn for her drawings and creativity. Yong Khuang for his reliability in helping me all the time with things i needed more hands with. Charissa for helping me when i came to a dead end with my ideas. Brandon for...(well i guess, there's nothing that he did. Honestly, i tried to think of something, but nothing came out)

It's definitely an end to something that has eclipsed our JC 1 lives, for me at least. I hope that i do get that A i wanted. And i hope that my group will all get an A. Except Brandon, you honestly don't deserve it.

If only it were that easy...

End of an Era? Maybe...

So i thought i'd post about PW. I mean to be honest, it's probably the best subject of all the subjects we take in the entire course of the Singapore education system. It's the only useful subject that actually teaches you something about street smarts. It's the only subject that allows you to discern completely, those who have the street smarts and those who don't. You can tell the difference between those who study so hard for the paper qualifications but lack the capability and ability to succeed in life because what they learn through pure memorizing and lack of inspiration completely hinders them. You can tell two people who get straight As apart with PW.

But there's always a catch isn't there. There are so many loopholes and lame regulations in the subject itself; the way it's carried out and all. It makes it the stupidest subject yet again. So we have come to the end of it all. I must say it's been an experience, not the best i have to say, but definitely one worth remembering.

To be continued...

Pins and Needles

Even though i know what i'm looking for, she's got a brick wall behind her door. I'd travel time to confess to her, but i'm afraid she'd shoot the messenger. Think again, is the wall really there? I think i've found the flower in the field of weeds, been searching until my hands bleed but does this flower belong to me?

Only time will tell, but someone's gotta take the first step. There are people who say that it's now or never, but i think that that's utter nonsense. But then again, i know nothing about this game i play and she's the referee isn't she?

in-DECISIVE?

i should really make up my mind. But is it really that bad? Hmm, but she really does seem like the one. I mean if the flame is still burning after almost 3 years, it means something right. It could. I hope it does.

This Too Shall Pass

Alright. Promos are over. As much as it may sound ironic, i'm bored. It's kinda weird, because when you're mugging from promos, you think of all the things you want to do after that, but it always comes back to this - being bored, and wanting to do those things but having no idea or energy to do them.

It's really fast how it seems like we've just started JC1 but yet we're already closing in on the last lap for the year. I really wonder how i'll do for the promos. I mean, i've got high hopes. If i could i would do a H3. No doubt. Getting excited for A Divs next year, gotta start training! Can't wait for training to start.

Had a really fun class outing after promos ended. We watched Devil, had lunch at Cafe Cartel, then went to pool and stoned alot.

In other things, thinking of forming another band with like "new directions" haha if you'd like to use glee terminology. I wanna play like more punk and alternative stuff. Bands like Sum 41, Green Day, Ok Go, AC/DC, Red Hot Chili Peppers have influenced me alot and i really wanna play that kind of music. Right now, the current band doesn't like those kind of songs, and it sucks alot to not be able to play the songs that you really love and like the band that you always wanted to play. It's been like my fantasy to play Basket Case, Motivation, Fat Lip, Back In Black stuff. Let's see how it goes, you know JC life gives no room for these kind of things if you want to do well, it's like one or the other. I guess that's why Singapore doesn't produce alot of talent eh...cuz many people see academics as the only way to be successful in Singapore, and with that mentality it will always be that way in reality. It's a catch-22 situation. Oh well.

PW Week, CL A Levels. I guess the fun starts and stops almost easily haha. Anyways excited in some ways to get PW done well.

Anyways really really hope i can take a H3, hope my Econs can get an A. But that remains to be seen...

I guess this is it for now?

When It's Time

I never thought i'd feel this way.

I've been the greatest bitch I've seen

I don't know why i do it, and it's certainly not to make myself look good in front of others. You know, it might, at one point, but it was subconsciously.

I kinda realised it now, and i'm quite sure that if someone didn't tell me about it, i'd have carried on oblivious to the hurt i've been causing. I never thought i'd become like this, and i hate myself now. I can't believe it did all those things. But i did and i want to apologize to all of you.

Sorry Jerald, Joel, Adam, Arvind, Josiah, Shaun, for all the wrongs i've been doing lately. I hope you will forgive me, and after actually witnessing what i've done, if i were you, i don't think i would have forgiven myself. I've been a really bad friend.