Your Thoughts Have Taken Their Toll

Being bored does have its negative side effects. Random thoughts begin to enter your mind. Could they be for a good reason? This came at a totally random time, while i was just browsing the web and chatting.

Random Thought 1: What Happens if i go to VJC
Ok this would possibly happen if i do get 6points - bonus points. It would be like jumping of the top of a building and hoping that there would be a net at the bottom. Or so it seems to me. Everyone's been telling me to go to a better JC if i can do it. Well, let's just say i do get 6 - bonus points. VJ would be a fresh start. It definitely would be. After all, it has the CCA i want to join badly - floorball. The college life there seems pretty decent too, and its near my house which cuts travelling time to 10mins. 10MINS! I really want to go there. But there's something very strong stopping me from doing that. After 2 very memorable years in sec3 and sec4, I can't bear to be split up from all my friends i've made these 2 years.Unless of course they do well and join me (i doubt they would join la). As i think of this, i can't help but let my mind wander into the future, like in the next 5 years or so. Would my circle of friends remain tight as ever with the people i hold close now? Would they remain my best friends as they are now? Anything can happen, on my part and theirs. I just can't bear to take that risk and let time do ther rest. It scares the living shit out of me.

Random Thought 2 (although not so random anymore): What will happen if i go to SAJC?
Well firstly, i want to join a sport which SAJC cleary doesnt have anything i would possible join. And i don't count ODAC as a sport. And i don't think i want to play Goalie for soccer? Save myself from further embarrasment endured this year. Furthermore, so many people been telling me not to go SAJC and some of them are from SAJC. They really meant it, like if they had a better score they would have gone elsewhere. I can't say for sure now that if its true. Maybe it isnt that bad, but i'm sure there's a big difference in the environment in SAJC and VJC. Something tells me it would make a big difference if i chose one for the other. All i know is that i will definitlely be with all my friends there. and plus the uniform is like coooool... But who knows what may happen there? I may make new friends and they may make new friends and stuff.

Something tells me that if i do have to make this decision, i would tear myself apart doing so.
Maybe its best that i don't get 6 points and save myself all the trouble of deciding between the two. It would definitely make life much more easier for me right.

After seeing my older bro being commissioned as an officer, i am inspired to become an officer too. But i guess that would all lie in how i handle future challenges. One of them would be coming very soon wouldn't it.

I really don't know how i'm going to actually decide over this. Suddenly there's a really influencial force that's pulling me towards VJC (even though i quietly ruled out VJ during the past 3 months or so because i felt so deeply attached to the people around me) somehow other things are falling into play and i don't how it's gonna turn out.

I think the following kinda mean something to me now...

"Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away and you feel yourself suffocating?

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul"

Cherish those memories and may they last forever

I'm having a really weird pain in my stomach area. It hurts and I can't sleep. So i'm on my bed stoning, with my laptop.

Was really really bored, so went to read the older posts from my blog and Adam's blog. It's kinda funny when you look back. You get that very nostalgic feeling. A bitter sweet and warm feeling or sensation. When you look back at the past, memories and stuff. All the stupid things you have done.

When i was reading the posts, looking back at how we came to slowly prepare ourselves for the O's, i truly miss those times where we studied together, played soccer together after studying, procrastinating together. Haha. Having lunch together in the middle of studying. I remember those Chem lessons on Saturday very clearly. After chem lesson, we would have lunch chit chat about O's and random stuff, then we'd go back to school to study/slack and stuff haha. I remeber those times where we tried to convince each other to go jam after studying. All those times at POMO hahaha. Those were good times. lol.

I remember very vividly a period at the start of the year where i had a falling out with Arvind, looking back at things, haha i can only laugh at myself and the whole irony of the situation. It seems that i have learnt so much from this incident and that things can only be looking up from this day on.

All the quarrels, disagreemets, laughter, enjoyment that all of us had together while studying, i will truly miss. All the friendships that i have forged and strengthened over the course of the year, let's hope they remain tight, if not stronger.

However, there are things that have happened over the year that make me sad. Because i'm trying to fix it now, but its not that easy. A falling out with a group of close friends that i kinda neglected. I'm sorry guys and i hope that you will forgive me. I hope that things can return to normal before its too late and all of us move on.

It's all the little stuff, that we tend to miss out, that we will dearly miss when we part. Getting emotional now is kinda strange, because it seems i'm one of the few who get these weird sensations. Maybe i attach myself too closely to some stuff.

We are nearing the end of a very very fruitful year i must say, and it makes me sad that some of us will part ways. But i hope that wherever we go, we will always cherish those memories that we share and make the last forever.

I'll have to make a promise to myself : Whatever happens next year, I'm not gonna leave you guys behind. I will, to the best of my ability, remain best friends with all of you guys. <3 you guys :D

GAY GAY GAY.

Check!

Came back from Korea last week. Trip wasn't bad...although the food was. The tour brought us to lotsa crappy crappy places to eat. Eyuck!!! Crap. Totally. Went to see lots of historic sights and stuff. The tour guide spoke Chinese. (yeah...just great...) I could understand him only half the time. So i got kinda turned off. Had lots of fun talking to the fellow tour ppl. Haha this tour had lots of children around the same age, so it was really easy to mix around :D. +points. hahaha.
I shall post pictures soon.... soon.

Spent too much money this week. Bought Halo 3: ODST and L4D 2. I'm gonna go job hunting tomorrow :D . Haha but meeting JK for gym and swimming in the morning first.

Still gotta go sign up for guitar lesson! i think i've learnt on my own for too long. haha. Haven't gymed in 2 weeks. Can't wait to get a move on.

So far, nothing much has been happening... went to Sentosa the day i came back from Korea. Got sunburned bad. hahaha. it's like healing now.

Ok...this post is kinda lame. Totally.

Say What You Need To Say

In light of recent events, i think its important that we say what we need to say right now when we have the chance to, remove those grudges, anything u ever wanted to say to someone but didn't because you didn't dare to. I did and i'm not done yet.

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say [x8]

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

Say what you need to say [x8]

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say [x24]